Finding a way to share over Christmas

5th November 2010 14:47

For a parent who is not living with their child as a result of a divorce or relationship breakdown, contact throughout the year is very important. However, as we approach the festive season contact at this special time of year often becomes a priority. Unfortunately, agreeing upon a fair division of the time available can be problematic and in some cases impossible. Routines of contact that have worked well throughout the year can suddenly be thrown into confusion, very quickly diaries become full of carol concerts, nativity plays and visiting relatives, meaning that the time for contact becomes limited. 

Part of the problem is that all too often, parents allow the issue to fester and grow, either due to a lack of communication between them, or because they presume that the other will agree nearer the time. When the realization dawns, it is too late to do anything other than rush to see a solicitor and make an emergency application for Christmas contact. However in many instances it can even be too late for that and both parents then have to resign themselves to having contact that they do not agree with and make promises that next year will be different. Unfortunately the issue often doesn’t go away, as the conflict over Christmas and the feeling of losing out can then cause a rift of ill feeling that damages ongoing contact arrangements.

 However, this really needn’t be the case; help is out there! The key to a solution is that parents must be proactive and seek help as soon as they identify that there is, or even could be, a problem. By consulting a family law solicitor parents are able to use their expertise to advise and assist in resolving the issue. No longer is it the case that the only option available is to go to court. Rather the solicitor and client as a team have a whole range of options available to them to try and resolve the dispute swiftly and cost effectively.

 Time permitting, the first consideration is whether or not mediation may be able to assist. Mediation can prove the quickest and most cost effective way of resolving a dispute. Both parties are able to raise their concerns in front of an independent mediator and begin to communicate their issues. Communication often being the key factor that has broken down. All family solicitors will have links with or knowledge of local mediators who can assist and they can make the referral or provide you with the necessary details. The only challenge to mediation is the willingness of the other party to co-operate, and in some cases the uncertainty in relation to this and time constraints can mean that it is not a viable option.

 Even then the solicitor can, with the co-operation of the client, agree upon correspondence with the other party to again try and open the lines of communication. The ability of the solicitor to not become emotionally involved and to advise on the pros and cons of each party’s viewpoint often enables an agreement to be reached. In particular, solicitors who are members of the organization Resolution adhere to codes of practice that encourage them to avoid adversarial and aggressive letters and communications which often serve no purpose other than to add to the feelings of contempt between the parties. 

 In cases where neither of the above is successful, there is of course the option of going to court to make an application for contact. However, this should really only be done once all other avenues have been explored. Once again the key with such an application is to make sure that it is made in a timely manner and that the request is realistic. There are no hard rules as to how or where Christmas contact should take place, each case is different and the key consideration as always is what is best for the welfare of the child. The point being that whether Christmas day is split or alternated or extended to take in Boxing Day, the child’s welfare needs are met.

 Traditionally, in the run up to Christmas day, courts around the country will begin to fill up with anxious and frustrated parents trying to agree contact. By being proactive, attempting to communicate directly and if all else fails seeking advice well in advance, you can ensure that all options are open to you in finding a resolution.

 If you or anyone you know would like further information or advice on the issue of Christmas contact or issues surrounding children generally, please contact Christopher Price of  Tayntons Solicitors LLP, 8-12 Clarence Street, Gloucester. (01452 522047) Christopher.price@tayntons.co.uk